BDSM.tech the plain-English kink reference Unicorn Hunting: Couples, Thirds & How to Do It Right
A ‘unicorn’ is a single person who joins a couple. ‘Unicorn hunting’ is couples going looking for one. It has a bad name, for reasons that are real and completely avoidable. Here’s how to do it right.
What it is
A couple sets out to find a single person, the ‘unicorn’, often a bisexual woman, to join them for play or a relationship. It’s a common non-monogamy setup, and the mythical name is a tell: what a lot of couples are after turns out to be rare, largely because of how they go about looking.
Why the bad reputation
The criticism is about behaviour, not the shape of the thing:
- Couple privilege: rigid rules the third had no say in, always ranked below the couple.
- Objectification: treating the third as a fantasy prop or a relationship accessory rather than a person.
- Disposability: dropping them the moment they’re inconvenient, or a feeling gets complicated.
The third’s perspective
A unicorn is a whole person, with their own wants, limits and feelings, not a device for spicing up someone else’s relationship. The single biggest fix is to hold onto that and act like it’s true.
How to do it right
- Let the third have real agency and a say in the rules, not a pre-written contract.
- Be honest about expectations: what you’re offering, and where it stops.
- Don’t impose “one penis policy”-style rules that exist only to guard the couple’s comfort.
- Treat feelings, theirs very much included, as real, and don’t use them as a prop to be discarded.
For the unicorn
Look after yourself. Watch for couples with rigid rules you can’t influence, for being handled as an accessory, and for red-flag signs that you’re there to serve their relationship at the cost of your own. You’re owed agency and honesty as much as anyone is.
A person, not a fantasy
There’s nothing wrong with a couple wanting a third. Done with respect, honesty and genuine regard for the person, it’s simply another shape of ENM. The unicorn is rare only because so few couples treat them as a person first. Be the couple that does.
FAQ
What is unicorn hunting?
Unicorn hunting is a couple, often a man and woman, searching for a single person (the 'unicorn', frequently a bisexual woman) to join them sexually or romantically. The term is usually used critically, because couples often do it in ways that treat the third as a disposable accessory to their relationship rather than a full person.
Why does unicorn hunting have a bad reputation?
Because it's often done badly: rigid couple's rules the third has no say in, being treated as a fantasy prop rather than a person, and being dropped the moment they're inconvenient. Done respectfully, with the third having real agency, honest expectations, and being treated as a person, it's perfectly fine; the bad name comes from how often it isn't.